today i reached a limit where i feel tired of giving people the benefits of the doubt on whatever they told me. Sometimes i know they lying but i still told myself that i will give them another chance and maybe believe they have their own reason of telling me what they told me. but today i feel upset and angry at the same time. i feel like a stupid girl who believe that people will change and things will get better. i start questioning everything and feel how unfair life can be.
still keep the anger in my heart, i heard a voice in my head and my heart. HE told me, who am i to giving up and feel upset about giving people the benefits of the doubt when HE always give the benefits of the doubt and never tired of it. HE always believe that one day i will change. HE always understand every action that i took and still giving me the chance coz he believe in me. there is always a room for improvement in me. HE never give up on me. so why did i give up on other people when me myself is not perfect. Am i any greater than HIM?
on that sudden my tears fall... i felt so small. i am ashamed of myself. how can i be so ungrateful. what have i become? i'm shaking just to think about it..
Astagfirullah...
Wednesday, September 5, 2012
Possible comeback?
it has been a while since my last update. i don't really know why i stop writing in this blog.. maybe there is more private thought and i prefer to write it on my diary. anyway, my life changed a lot since my last post be it on my career or relationship life.
believe it or not, i have so many on my head right now that i cant put it into words. my head is messed up with all sort of nonsense. feel like i'm losing myself in search the way of pleasing everybody around me. this world is mean sometimes.
i care so much about other people, fear of losing them and i feel they took my feeling for granted. disappearing from my life just because they thought they can't handle it anymore. i really2 upset about it but life's goes on. I should too. Tired of being strong for everybody. i really am....
there's is of course silver lining for everything that happened. i don't believe in coincidence. i believe everything already been planned by HIM. i just need to figure out how and why it happen to me. like a detective i have to solve this mystery of life.
HE still loves me..i can feel it and i promise to myself that i will never let HIM down again.
believe it or not, i have so many on my head right now that i cant put it into words. my head is messed up with all sort of nonsense. feel like i'm losing myself in search the way of pleasing everybody around me. this world is mean sometimes.
i care so much about other people, fear of losing them and i feel they took my feeling for granted. disappearing from my life just because they thought they can't handle it anymore. i really2 upset about it but life's goes on. I should too. Tired of being strong for everybody. i really am....
there's is of course silver lining for everything that happened. i don't believe in coincidence. i believe everything already been planned by HIM. i just need to figure out how and why it happen to me. like a detective i have to solve this mystery of life.
HE still loves me..i can feel it and i promise to myself that i will never let HIM down again.
Tuesday, November 15, 2011
I miss my SISTER~!!!!!!!!
I guess I’m done with thinking mode…so now, my sister in Egypt for her studies…it’s been almost a month since she left.. honestly I not yet feel lonely without her EXCEPT shopping time and gossip time.. I’m ok with the idea of having the whole room for myself and by the way I haven’t finish clean up and re organize the room..haha
If I’m not mistaken, 1 week after she left, my brothers and I went shopping. Shopping with guys is sooooooooooooo damn bored… end up I buy nothing… everything I ask, the answer will be either
1) I don’t know
2) I don’t care
3) U think u slim?
4) How old u thing u r?
5) Just get whatever u want
I miss my sisterrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr……
Thursday, November 10, 2011
Heylo again :)
It’s been a long long loonggg time since my last post.. when was it?? Hmm…even I can’t remember when.. let me check… ohh..it’s 28th sept 2011 and it is not even my own post…just copy paste poem that I found interesting to share.. anyway, since it’s been 1 month plus I did not update anything, so many things had happen since then.. I need time to think about it… *thinking mode*
Wednesday, September 28, 2011
Still I Rise
by Maya Angelou
You may write me down in history
With your bitter, twisted lies,
You may trod me in the very dirt
But still, like dust, I'll rise.
Does my sassiness upset you?
Why are you beset with gloom?
'Cause I walk like
I've got oil wellsPumping in my living room.
Just like moons and like suns,
With the certainty of tides,
Just like hopes springing high,
Still I'll rise.
Did you want to see me broken?
Bowed head and lowered eyes?
Shoulders falling down like teardrops.
Weakened by my soulful cries.
Does my haughtiness offend you?
Don't you take it awful hard'
Cause I laugh like I've got gold mines
Diggin' in my own back yard.
You may shoot me with your words,
You may cut me with your eyes,
You may kill me with your hatefulness,
But still, like air, I'll rise.
Does my sexiness upset you?
Does it come as a surprise
That I dance like I've got diamonds
At the meeting of my thighs?
Out of the huts of history's shame
I rise
Up from a past that's rooted in pain
I rise
I'm a black ocean, leaping and wide,
Welling and swelling
I bear in the tide.
Leaving behind nights of terror and fear
I rise
Into a daybreak that's wondrously clear
I rise
Bringing the gifts that my ancestors gave,
I am the dream and the hope of the slave.
I rise
I rise
I rise.
You may write me down in history
With your bitter, twisted lies,
You may trod me in the very dirt
But still, like dust, I'll rise.
Does my sassiness upset you?
Why are you beset with gloom?
'Cause I walk like
I've got oil wellsPumping in my living room.
Just like moons and like suns,
With the certainty of tides,
Just like hopes springing high,
Still I'll rise.
Did you want to see me broken?
Bowed head and lowered eyes?
Shoulders falling down like teardrops.
Weakened by my soulful cries.
Does my haughtiness offend you?
Don't you take it awful hard'
Cause I laugh like I've got gold mines
Diggin' in my own back yard.
You may shoot me with your words,
You may cut me with your eyes,
You may kill me with your hatefulness,
But still, like air, I'll rise.
Does my sexiness upset you?
Does it come as a surprise
That I dance like I've got diamonds
At the meeting of my thighs?
Out of the huts of history's shame
I rise
Up from a past that's rooted in pain
I rise
I'm a black ocean, leaping and wide,
Welling and swelling
I bear in the tide.
Leaving behind nights of terror and fear
I rise
Into a daybreak that's wondrously clear
I rise
Bringing the gifts that my ancestors gave,
I am the dream and the hope of the slave.
I rise
I rise
I rise.
Tuesday, July 19, 2011
Dear Waieylia,
this morning i was talking to sugar about how badly i wanna change my job and bla bla bla.. and guess what, the horoscope did it again.. today's horoscope really said smthg about it..this is so scary...read it for urself...
dear waieylia,
Today's Pisces Moon feels like the beginning of an end. You're ready to call it quits and start something new, but you may be jumping the gun. Stick to what you're doing for another day, even if you're already bored. You'll gain more now by sinking into your feelings about your past than distracting yourself by prematurely changing your direction.
p/s: isn't this ...i dun even have a word to describe it..hahaha
dear waieylia,
Today's Pisces Moon feels like the beginning of an end. You're ready to call it quits and start something new, but you may be jumping the gun. Stick to what you're doing for another day, even if you're already bored. You'll gain more now by sinking into your feelings about your past than distracting yourself by prematurely changing your direction.
p/s: isn't this ...i dun even have a word to describe it..hahaha
Monday, July 18, 2011
Dear Waieylia,
It is so scary how sometimes horoscope can describe urself very well. Today, as i was surfing the net, i read daily horoscope that i already set it up in my igoogle page and it is so surprise that the horoscope know exacly where i am today.
read this to understand what i meant:
dear waieylia,
You're enthusiastic about taking a journey, yet uncertainty is beginning to take root and you don't understand why. Worries about your family or concerns about your own emotional security may prevent you from traveling anywhere, now. Fortunately, you can go somewhere without ever leaving home. The advantage of a mental excursion is that no one will even know that you're gone. You can explore the distant reaches of the universe in your imagination while on the job and still return in the wink of an eye to answer the phone.
read this to understand what i meant:
dear waieylia,
You're enthusiastic about taking a journey, yet uncertainty is beginning to take root and you don't understand why. Worries about your family or concerns about your own emotional security may prevent you from traveling anywhere, now. Fortunately, you can go somewhere without ever leaving home. The advantage of a mental excursion is that no one will even know that you're gone. You can explore the distant reaches of the universe in your imagination while on the job and still return in the wink of an eye to answer the phone.
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