Self Discovery #3 - Say Goodbye

Finally i have time to update my blog after so long.. Been busy with my life and sometimes buat2 busy..haha
Anyway,its so easy to be taken for granted and sometimes its so easy to be fooled in a relationship,in general, with friends and family.
Sometimes, i tend to be true and honest with a person,share all that i have,financially as well as emotionally, but later when i learn that they dont reciprocate in the same mannner and just walked away after get what they want and usually at the time when i need them the most, it hurts. Probably they feel i am not close enough to them or its me who stupid to trust them. i hate being used by other people for any reason at all especially by someone i trust.
im tired of being bangang girl, but according to someone i will always be. =.='

After my long vacation to a special place *thanks to someone who bring me there =)* i realize that one of my bangang-ness moment is when having a second thought between 'cry' and 'say goodbye'..haha of course it will be 'say goodbye'.. i just wanna forgive and forget about everything.. by thinking of 'cry' means i still have a bit of anger and frustration in me.. but i dun want to have such negative feelings.. i wanna live my life without any regrets and without anything that will be the wall of my bright and happy future.. semua yg berlaku ada hikmah nya.. lagipun semua yang jadi ni salah sendiri..so pandai2 lah tanggung kan..haha

besides all that, i did say goodbye to few other things.. let see...

1) say goodbye to the old style of vacation..haha *i dah promise someone to not write it in detail..i wish i can write it in detail..hahaha*
2) say goodbye to my hair.. i cut my hair..=)
3) say goodbye to my clean record of no accident with Ginger... Ginger had her 1st accident.. the scariest moment of my life yet.. an experience that i hope that i will never go thru again.. poor ginger.. i am so sorry.. =( promise will take care of you and drive you safely in future..
4) say goodbye to my old life..the stupid/evil/kind girl i used to be.. i maybe still bangang but i want to be bangang at the right time.. (macam lah boleh control..haha)and most important is i want to be a nice smart girl who know what she want in her life, work hard for it, tak kacau orang, and sentiasa jadi diri sendiri.
5) say goodbye to my old plan/goal.. not totally change but new amendment with a little twist.. will be new challenge..or shud i said it will be a BIG challenge for me..

Other thing that i might will say goodbye is my job..still uncertain..but if really happen, i will move to new city and back to be independent..huhu
but im not sure whether i want to move or not...haizzzz
so many thing to risk and this will definitely affect my new goal.. and if i move, adjusting to new environment during world cup season?? hmmm... not sure i can say goodbye to world cup..:P

Cry or Say Goodbye ? The choice is ......

"Cry"
by Rihanna

I'm not the type to get my heart broken
I'm not the type to get upset and cry
'cause I never leave my heart open
Never hurts me to say goodbye
Relationships don't get deep to me
Never got the whole in love thing
And someone can say they love me truly
But at the time it didn't mean a thing

[Chorus:]
My mind is gone, I'm spinning round
And deep inside, my tears I'll drown
I'm losing grip, what's happening
I stray from love, this is how I feel
This time was different
Felt like, I was just a victim
And it cut me like a knife
When you walked out of my life
Now I'm, in this condition
And I've, got all the symptoms
Of a girl with a broken heart
But no matter what you'll never see me cry

Did it happen when we first kissed?
'cause it's hurting me to let it go
Maybe 'cause we spent so much time
And I know that it's no more
I should've never let you hold me baby
Maybe why I'm sad to see us apart
I didn't give to you on purpose
Can't figure out how you stole my heart

[Chorus]

How did I get here with you, I'll never know?
I never meant to let it get so, personal
And after all I tried to do, to stay away from loving you
I'm broken heart and I can't let you know
And I won't let it show
You won't see me cry

[x2]
This time was different
Felt like, I was just a victim
And it cut me like a knife
When you walked out of my life
Now I'm, in this condition
And I've, got all the symptoms
Of a girl with a broken heart
But no matter what you'll never see me cry

All my life...
_____________________________________________

Say Goodbye
S Club 7


In the years to come
Will you think about these moments that we shared
In the years to come
Are you gonna think it over
And how we lived each day with no regrets

Nothing lasts forever though we want it to
The road ahead holds different dreams for me and you

Sometimes goodbye, though it hurts in your heart,
is the only way for destiny
Sometimes goodbye, though it hurts,
is the only way now for you and me
Though it's the hardest thing to say
I'll miss your love in every way
So say goodbye
But don't you cry
Cos true love never dies

In a year from now
Maybe there'll be thing we'll wish we'd never said

In a year from now
Maybe we'll see each other
Standing on the same street corner though it rains

Each and every end is always written in the stars
If only I could stop the world
I'd make this last

Sometimes goodbye, so it hurts in your heart,
is the only way for destiny
Sometimes goodbye, so it hurts,
is the only way now for you and me
Though it's the hardest thing to say
I'll miss your love in every way
So say goodbye *so say goodbye*
But don't you cry
Cos true love never dies

And when you need my arms to run into
I'll come for you
Nothing will ever change the way I feel

Sometimes goodbye, so it hurts in your heart,
is the only way for destiny
Sometimes goodbye, so it hurts,
is the only way now for you and me
Though it's the hardest thing to say
I'll miss your love in every day
So say goodbye
But don't you cry
Because a true love never dies...

Self Discovery #2 - Empty

A person very close to me passed away more than a year ago.
I thought i already moved on but I can't stop thinking about it even to this minute.
Every moment I had spent with him has been so precious and invaluable, and today...I remember him every day...every minute, infact.
I feel that vacuum can never be filled,no matter how much my friends and relatives try.

Is it wrong to remember him always and have that uncomfortable feeling, that none can equal him?
How can I stop thinking about him always?
And, if at all I try to,will that make me a bad person?
Should I stop grieving and accept it as a part of life?
Is it wrong to expect people close to me to be like him?
Most of all, I wonder how I can carry on with my life without him?

So many questions in my mind....wish I had an answer.....
because i feel so empty inside..

He will always be special to me but how i found him in him, i hope to find others in themselves..
God, please give me the strength and please open my heart and send someone special in it again..