today i reached a limit where i feel tired of giving people the benefits of the doubt on whatever they told me. Sometimes i know they lying but i still told myself that i will give them another chance and maybe believe they have their own reason of telling me what they told me. but today i feel upset and angry at the same time. i feel like a stupid girl who believe that people will change and things will get better. i start questioning everything and feel how unfair life can be.
still keep the anger in my heart, i heard a voice in my head and my heart. HE told me, who am i to giving up and feel upset about giving people the benefits of the doubt when HE always give the benefits of the doubt and never tired of it. HE always believe that one day i will change. HE always understand every action that i took and still giving me the chance coz he believe in me. there is always a room for improvement in me. HE never give up on me. so why did i give up on other people when me myself is not perfect. Am i any greater than HIM?
on that sudden my tears fall... i felt so small. i am ashamed of myself. how can i be so ungrateful. what have i become? i'm shaking just to think about it..
Astagfirullah...
Wednesday, September 5, 2012
Possible comeback?
it has been a while since my last update. i don't really know why i stop writing in this blog.. maybe there is more private thought and i prefer to write it on my diary. anyway, my life changed a lot since my last post be it on my career or relationship life.
believe it or not, i have so many on my head right now that i cant put it into words. my head is messed up with all sort of nonsense. feel like i'm losing myself in search the way of pleasing everybody around me. this world is mean sometimes.
i care so much about other people, fear of losing them and i feel they took my feeling for granted. disappearing from my life just because they thought they can't handle it anymore. i really2 upset about it but life's goes on. I should too. Tired of being strong for everybody. i really am....
there's is of course silver lining for everything that happened. i don't believe in coincidence. i believe everything already been planned by HIM. i just need to figure out how and why it happen to me. like a detective i have to solve this mystery of life.
HE still loves me..i can feel it and i promise to myself that i will never let HIM down again.
believe it or not, i have so many on my head right now that i cant put it into words. my head is messed up with all sort of nonsense. feel like i'm losing myself in search the way of pleasing everybody around me. this world is mean sometimes.
i care so much about other people, fear of losing them and i feel they took my feeling for granted. disappearing from my life just because they thought they can't handle it anymore. i really2 upset about it but life's goes on. I should too. Tired of being strong for everybody. i really am....
there's is of course silver lining for everything that happened. i don't believe in coincidence. i believe everything already been planned by HIM. i just need to figure out how and why it happen to me. like a detective i have to solve this mystery of life.
HE still loves me..i can feel it and i promise to myself that i will never let HIM down again.
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