today i reached a limit where i feel tired of giving people the benefits of the doubt on whatever they told me. Sometimes i know they lying but i still told myself that i will give them another chance and maybe believe they have their own reason of telling me what they told me. but today i feel upset and angry at the same time. i feel like a stupid girl who believe that people will change and things will get better. i start questioning everything and feel how unfair life can be.
still keep the anger in my heart, i heard a voice in my head and my heart. HE told me, who am i to giving up and feel upset about giving people the benefits of the doubt when HE always give the benefits of the doubt and never tired of it. HE always believe that one day i will change. HE always understand every action that i took and still giving me the chance coz he believe in me. there is always a room for improvement in me. HE never give up on me. so why did i give up on other people when me myself is not perfect. Am i any greater than HIM?
on that sudden my tears fall... i felt so small. i am ashamed of myself. how can i be so ungrateful. what have i become? i'm shaking just to think about it..
Astagfirullah...
Showing posts with label Self Discovery. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Self Discovery. Show all posts
Wednesday, September 5, 2012
Thursday, May 19, 2011
Is it me??
Received an email from a friend about the characteristic of each zodiac. I read mine and here is the characteristic and my comment.
SAGITTARIUS WOMAN
A tall slim and graceful woman who walked proudly like she is walking in a beauty pageant competition. If she slips or nearly falls, she will nicely covered it up and continue with her graceful and impressive walking step. She knows how to use make up to enhance her beauty. She looks at the world positively, so her face always seem so happy. She will not get up set easily.
I say = I couldn’t agree more..what else can I say..haha
Self confident woman who belief in her own style. She will not follow fashion, but standing in between simplicity and too modern. She is a very open person, sometimes can be too blunt. She is an honest person and never try to cause troubles for any one.
I say = Will not follow fashion? I want to follow fashion but I
need cash for fashion..
Sometimes can be too blunt? R u sure it sometimes…
hmm..maybe it is
sometimes..i grown up now.. ;)
Never try to cause troubles for anyone..please remember
that people..hahaha
She likes to say something that you do not want to hear and yet she can say something so pleasing at the same time. Example she may say "I wish you could make more money, so you could afford better cloth, but anyway it is better this way. If you make more money you could be thinking of money too much and become greedy". She can say such thing and make you wonder if you should get up set or love her more.
I say = love me more..Always love me more.. Please don’t wonder..hehe
She is also a free spirit and does not like to stay home. She likes to be protected, but not to give her orders. She has no respect to a weak man. If she try to over powered you, then you have to calm her down and try to control her to be in a limit by doing the same thing too. She will listen if she respect you. She likes to be herself and like her guy to be himself.
I say = tell me where to find?
She is a no nonsense woman, so you will not hear she says " Guess what I will do next", or "Guess what I am thinking" because she always say what she is thinking out loud like a guy. If you do not understand her in this matter, you could easily break up with her. She sees problems in her love life as another funny story.
I say = well, I always ask people to guess what I will do
next..maybe when im in manja mode..haha
sometimes I can say something without thinking..
She is clumsy and it is in her nature. You may think it is cute, but for some neat guys this could be so unbearable. She is very friendly, so she can easily turn her enemy to be her friends. She has good taste in fine cloths, good food, first class and first services. Even a poor woman in this Zodiac will struggle to afford such good taste. She could spent lots of money as if she can not understand how difficult it is to make money. If you think of let her borrow money, think again.
I say = clumsy? Since when…*shy*
Friendly attitude always give me trouble..=.=
Good taste? Of course…haha
Can spent lots of money? No doubt…seriously.. but I know
how difficult to make money..
I seldom borrow people money…I will survive as long as I
can… but do think millions times if I want to borrow
money.. I don’t want the risk..hehe
She is a paranoid. If she thinks you like her, she may already think about getting marry and lost her freedom and so on and on. A jolly woman who loves sports. She is an ordinary woman who could dress like a tomboy. She has more guy friends and sometimes could act like one of a guy. She does not care about rumors, so she can get home very late and couldn't careless what her neighbor will gossip about her. She thinks either good or bad, you will know it yourself , so you should not bother what people think.
I say = I am a day dreamer girl..haha
yeap…loves sports but not necessarily need to be good..
Rumours? Sometimes I do care…
Her wit and innocent look are her charms. She is often hurts from love, but never afraid to look for a new one as if she is singing "Do that to me one more time". She likes going straight and being straight forward. She will not go around to get what she wants, or beat around the bush just to say something. If you meet her and tell her straight what you think, she will admire you.
I say = bleeding love from Leona Lewis..hahaha
Yes, tell me straight what u think, let me admire you..hehe
SAGITTARIUS WOMAN
A tall slim and graceful woman who walked proudly like she is walking in a beauty pageant competition. If she slips or nearly falls, she will nicely covered it up and continue with her graceful and impressive walking step. She knows how to use make up to enhance her beauty. She looks at the world positively, so her face always seem so happy. She will not get up set easily.
I say = I couldn’t agree more..what else can I say..haha
Self confident woman who belief in her own style. She will not follow fashion, but standing in between simplicity and too modern. She is a very open person, sometimes can be too blunt. She is an honest person and never try to cause troubles for any one.
I say = Will not follow fashion? I want to follow fashion but I
need cash for fashion..
Sometimes can be too blunt? R u sure it sometimes…
hmm..maybe it is
sometimes..i grown up now.. ;)
Never try to cause troubles for anyone..please remember
that people..hahaha
She likes to say something that you do not want to hear and yet she can say something so pleasing at the same time. Example she may say "I wish you could make more money, so you could afford better cloth, but anyway it is better this way. If you make more money you could be thinking of money too much and become greedy". She can say such thing and make you wonder if you should get up set or love her more.
I say = love me more..Always love me more.. Please don’t wonder..hehe
She is also a free spirit and does not like to stay home. She likes to be protected, but not to give her orders. She has no respect to a weak man. If she try to over powered you, then you have to calm her down and try to control her to be in a limit by doing the same thing too. She will listen if she respect you. She likes to be herself and like her guy to be himself.
I say = tell me where to find?
She is a no nonsense woman, so you will not hear she says " Guess what I will do next", or "Guess what I am thinking" because she always say what she is thinking out loud like a guy. If you do not understand her in this matter, you could easily break up with her. She sees problems in her love life as another funny story.
I say = well, I always ask people to guess what I will do
next..maybe when im in manja mode..haha
sometimes I can say something without thinking..
She is clumsy and it is in her nature. You may think it is cute, but for some neat guys this could be so unbearable. She is very friendly, so she can easily turn her enemy to be her friends. She has good taste in fine cloths, good food, first class and first services. Even a poor woman in this Zodiac will struggle to afford such good taste. She could spent lots of money as if she can not understand how difficult it is to make money. If you think of let her borrow money, think again.
I say = clumsy? Since when…*shy*
Friendly attitude always give me trouble..=.=
Good taste? Of course…haha
Can spent lots of money? No doubt…seriously.. but I know
how difficult to make money..
I seldom borrow people money…I will survive as long as I
can… but do think millions times if I want to borrow
money.. I don’t want the risk..hehe
She is a paranoid. If she thinks you like her, she may already think about getting marry and lost her freedom and so on and on. A jolly woman who loves sports. She is an ordinary woman who could dress like a tomboy. She has more guy friends and sometimes could act like one of a guy. She does not care about rumors, so she can get home very late and couldn't careless what her neighbor will gossip about her. She thinks either good or bad, you will know it yourself , so you should not bother what people think.
I say = I am a day dreamer girl..haha
yeap…loves sports but not necessarily need to be good..
Rumours? Sometimes I do care…
Her wit and innocent look are her charms. She is often hurts from love, but never afraid to look for a new one as if she is singing "Do that to me one more time". She likes going straight and being straight forward. She will not go around to get what she wants, or beat around the bush just to say something. If you meet her and tell her straight what you think, she will admire you.
I say = bleeding love from Leona Lewis..hahaha
Yes, tell me straight what u think, let me admire you..hehe
Saturday, May 14, 2011
Think Think Think
what I've learnt is that it make it easier to overcome problem when you're honest with yourself.
BUT
what i haven't learn is how to be honest with myself...
*think think think*
Tuesday, March 22, 2011
Let's Dream
10 things that I believe without hard evidence
1) That I will enjoy healthy lifestyle
2) That I will find work that is enjoyable,creative,financial viable and flexible
3) That I will be free from debt and PMS
4) That Liverpool will win the title and MU crash down
5) That Malaysia will win gold medal in Olympic
6) That I can travel anywhere I want to go
7) That I can finish my 11km marathon
8) That I’m a good artist and singer
9) That there will be no war on earth
10) That Ginger is as fast and as good as Ferrari
So far this is the thing that I can think of.
1) That I will enjoy healthy lifestyle
2) That I will find work that is enjoyable,creative,financial viable and flexible
3) That I will be free from debt and PMS
4) That Liverpool will win the title and MU crash down
5) That Malaysia will win gold medal in Olympic
6) That I can travel anywhere I want to go
7) That I can finish my 11km marathon
8) That I’m a good artist and singer
9) That there will be no war on earth
10) That Ginger is as fast and as good as Ferrari
So far this is the thing that I can think of.
Sunday, March 6, 2011
Nemo
I'm Like A Bird
by Nelly Furtado
You'll never ever fade
You're lovely, but it's not for sure
That I won't ever change
And though my love is rare
Though my love is true
I'm like a bird, I'll only fly away
I don't know where my soul is
I don't know where my home is
(And baby all I need for you to know is)
I'm like a bird, I'll only fly away
I don't know where my soul is
I don't know where my home is
(And baby all I need for you to know is)
Your faith in me brings me to tears
Even after all these years
And it pains me so much to tell
That you don't know me that well
And though my love is rare
Though my love is true
I'm like a bird, I'll only fly away
I don't know where my soul is
I don't know where my home is
(And baby all I need for you to know is)
I'm like a bird, I'll only fly away
I don't know where my soul is
I don't know where my home is
(And baby all I need for you to know is)
It's not that I wanna say goodbye
It's just that every time you try to tell me that you love me
Each and every single day I know
I'm going to have to eventually give you away
And though my love is rare
And though my love is true
Hey I'm just scared
That we may fall through
I'm like a bird, I'll only fly away
I don't know where my soul is
I don't know where my home is
(And baby all I need for you to know is)
I'm like a bird, I'll only fly away
I don't know where my soul is
I don't know where my home is
(And baby all I need for you to know is)
(repeat x 3)
Tuesday, March 1, 2011
Fat! Fat! Fat!
Everybody knows that i love to eat but after my friend show me how i will look like if i don't control my diet, i'm scared..seriously..
But i laugh so hard when i see the picture..because it's so funny..hehe
Can you imagine if this is me...i refuse to accept this image.
I need to control my diet and EXERCISE...
No more chocolates...hmm..change my mind.. Less chocolates instead of no chocolates at all..haha
Reduce rice and sugar..No soft drinks.. Sleep more.
Drink more water. Any other tips that can help me NOT to be like the girl above?
Wednesday, February 16, 2011
Listen
There comes a point in life where you just don't know where or how the next step should be or look like.
i know i should show myself the way. i know its my life and the choices are all mine no matter what and how they are portrayed. and i know that if i don't love myself no one will. and as much as i want to tell myself everything is alright, i shouldn't believe in such a lie and face up to what's really happening and deal with it.
i haven't been talking to many people these days.
not even the close ones i used to pour my heart to.
coz these days i don't know what i'm listening to anymore.
and i can't hear myself too clearly. what am i trying to say?
listen.
i know i should show myself the way. i know its my life and the choices are all mine no matter what and how they are portrayed. and i know that if i don't love myself no one will. and as much as i want to tell myself everything is alright, i shouldn't believe in such a lie and face up to what's really happening and deal with it.
i haven't been talking to many people these days.
not even the close ones i used to pour my heart to.
coz these days i don't know what i'm listening to anymore.
and i can't hear myself too clearly. what am i trying to say?
listen.
Sunday, January 30, 2011
I'm Bored
Troublemakers should never be bored.
BUT
So something I struggle with now is being bored, a lot. Things that used to entertain me no longer do because I don't get the same rush I used to.
I mean, i need new entertainment, new activity, new 'assignment' or whatever you want to call it. Just something that will cure this boring life that i have now. It's only January so i should not complain instead i have to get my action somewhere.
I hold myself back in some ways because I know myself too well, and if I like something I might like it to excess and i do have fear-based decision-making. It is so not awesome but letting go isn't always easy. I like to say "What's the worst that could happen?!" and just go for whatever i want to do. i wish i have that courage.
I'd love to travel more. Go hiking and diving. Hip hop or Latin dance lessons. Car racing, drifting or at least Go-cart. Read more meaningful and interesting books. Hang out more with friends. Expand my networking.
Yes, I have started to register for a marathon and volunteering at home i.e learn how to cook, slowly. I plan to do this more and get out of my comfort zone. I want to take more chances, but I make a lot of excuses. I know that...hehe
What I want more than anything is to have experiences, and in this case I need to be my own rainmaker. Not an easy task but literally i already am..hahaha
I hold myself back in some ways because I know myself too well, and if I like something I might like it to excess and i do have fear-based decision-making. It is so not awesome but letting go isn't always easy. I like to say "What's the worst that could happen?!" and just go for whatever i want to do. i wish i have that courage.
I'd love to travel more. Go hiking and diving. Hip hop or Latin dance lessons. Car racing, drifting or at least Go-cart. Read more meaningful and interesting books. Hang out more with friends. Expand my networking.
Yes, I have started to register for a marathon and volunteering at home i.e learn how to cook, slowly. I plan to do this more and get out of my comfort zone. I want to take more chances, but I make a lot of excuses. I know that...hehe
What I want more than anything is to have experiences, and in this case I need to be my own rainmaker. Not an easy task but literally i already am..hahaha
I want to be bad. It's more fun.
Sunday, January 23, 2011
Quarter of Century
OK...its 2011... quarter of century..=P
i was trying my hard on the last day of 2010 to write about my year and what to expect on 2011. But to be honest, i don't know how to start and i couldn't even find a 2011 song... haizzz
So many thing happened to me last year and its always gonna be a year to be remember because i lost my beloved grandmother who passed away in November 2010. i was so closed with her as she stayed with my family for the longest time. she took care of me when i was a baby and she watched me grow up. She was a great women and i will always love and miss her for the rest of my life.
2010 also thought me something important that sometimes you learn valuable lessons at the most unexpected times and places.
All of us make mistakes in life and trust me,I have made my share too. We can either forget it; try to push it away from our memories, hoping that someday we completely forget about it or we can embrace it and actually learn something out of it. It is of course easier said than done. But sometimes I do believe that the best way to learn from our mistakes is to carry it with you so that every time you have a chance to be at the same or similar situation again, you will be automatically reminded about it and hopefully can make a better judgment now. however, someone that i know once told me that its not fair to judge a new similar situation alike because it may have different taste and flavor in it. And we never know what and where we end up to.
When we were a kid, we’ve been told that life is either bad or good. Well, at least this is what I believe. But as I grew older, I realize that life is not as simple as what is right and what is wrong. As more and more events happened in my life, I realize that there are many areas in life that are grey. And we need to learn how to deal with this grey area so that we will not be stuck in that area forever.
I guess what really matters, is the impression you left on people’s minds as a person.
2011 is the year that i know will change me to be better. i will make sure it will. I have plans for this year and i hope to achieve all of that. what i need to learn now is how to go for what i want and what i believe in without fear. i need to be strong and grab any opportunity that can lead me to where i want to be without compromising with my belief and faith. I should not care what people want to say or judge me because i am the one who will live my life. And i want to live it well and with no regret. i need to be surrounding with people who can dig out my true potential and actually give me the opportunity to shine. And if this year i can find someone who can share the ups and downs, understanding, supportive, and just accept and love each other for who they are, its gonna be a great bonus =)
i was trying my hard on the last day of 2010 to write about my year and what to expect on 2011. But to be honest, i don't know how to start and i couldn't even find a 2011 song... haizzz
So many thing happened to me last year and its always gonna be a year to be remember because i lost my beloved grandmother who passed away in November 2010. i was so closed with her as she stayed with my family for the longest time. she took care of me when i was a baby and she watched me grow up. She was a great women and i will always love and miss her for the rest of my life.
2010 also thought me something important that sometimes you learn valuable lessons at the most unexpected times and places.
All of us make mistakes in life and trust me,I have made my share too. We can either forget it; try to push it away from our memories, hoping that someday we completely forget about it or we can embrace it and actually learn something out of it. It is of course easier said than done. But sometimes I do believe that the best way to learn from our mistakes is to carry it with you so that every time you have a chance to be at the same or similar situation again, you will be automatically reminded about it and hopefully can make a better judgment now. however, someone that i know once told me that its not fair to judge a new similar situation alike because it may have different taste and flavor in it. And we never know what and where we end up to.
When we were a kid, we’ve been told that life is either bad or good. Well, at least this is what I believe. But as I grew older, I realize that life is not as simple as what is right and what is wrong. As more and more events happened in my life, I realize that there are many areas in life that are grey. And we need to learn how to deal with this grey area so that we will not be stuck in that area forever.
I guess what really matters, is the impression you left on people’s minds as a person.
2011 is the year that i know will change me to be better. i will make sure it will. I have plans for this year and i hope to achieve all of that. what i need to learn now is how to go for what i want and what i believe in without fear. i need to be strong and grab any opportunity that can lead me to where i want to be without compromising with my belief and faith. I should not care what people want to say or judge me because i am the one who will live my life. And i want to live it well and with no regret. i need to be surrounding with people who can dig out my true potential and actually give me the opportunity to shine. And if this year i can find someone who can share the ups and downs, understanding, supportive, and just accept and love each other for who they are, its gonna be a great bonus =)
Friday, September 3, 2010
Just Enjoy It
One friend told me that she don't understand how a smart, attractive and confidence woman like me can be so insecure when it come to relationship. To be honest, i don't know what is wrong with me either, so yea, this is me.
This morning i listen to Lenka song and 1 paragraph in that song just perfect for me. feel like share it with you guys.. so enjoy ~ =)
I am just a little girl lost in the moment
I'm so scared but I don't show it
I can't figure it out
It's bringing me down I know
I've got to let it go
And just enjoy the show
~ The show by Lenka
This morning i listen to Lenka song and 1 paragraph in that song just perfect for me. feel like share it with you guys.. so enjoy ~ =)
I am just a little girl lost in the moment
I'm so scared but I don't show it
I can't figure it out
It's bringing me down I know
I've got to let it go
And just enjoy the show
~ The show by Lenka
Sunday, August 8, 2010
Pencarian yang tiada penghujung
Bulan Ramadhan bakal tiba..inilah bulan yang paling ditunggu dalam islam..banyak rahmat pada bulan ni.. tapi pendapat peribadi ku, bulan ni la selalunya aku akan menangis paling banyak.. benda yang simple pun boleh buat aku nangis.. banyak benda akan di lihat dari sudut yang berlainan.. hidup ni indah..menarik.. lebih banyak kita mendalami apa yang terjadi dalam hidup kita, lebih dalam kita kenal diri kita.. dan apabila lebih dalam kita kenal diri kita, lebih dalam kita kenal pencipta kita.
pada aku, pencarian ku pada yang maha Esa masih lagi panjang. pada tahap skrg ni, pencarian ku masih lagi tidak berpenghujung..
sebagai manusia aku selalu tersalah pandang apa yang penting dalam hidup..lari dari landasan yang sebenar.. tapi tu semualah yang menjadikan hidup ni lebih menarik dan mencabar.. tak siapa tahu apa yang akan terjadi besok...
harap bulan ramadhan tahun ni akan menjadi ramadhan yang lebih baik dari tahun sebelum ni... =) can't wait for it to come..
Sempena ramadhan ni, rasa nya lagu ni sesuai kot... lagu yang best... semoga cinta kita semua bertasbih...
Ketika Cinta Bertasbih
Melly Goeslaw Feauring Amee
Bertuturlah cinta
Mengucap satu nama
Seindah goresan sabdamu dalam kitabku
Cinta yang bertasbih
Mengutus Hati ini
Kusandarkan hidup dan matiku padamu
Bisikkan doaku
Dalam butiran tasbih
Kupanjatkan pintaku padamu Maha Cinta
Sudah di ubun-ubun cinta mengusik resah
Tak bisa kupaksa walau hatiku menjerit
Ketika Cinta bertasbih Nadiku berdenyut merdu
Kembang kempis dadaku merangkai butir cinta
Garis tangan tergambar tak bisa aku menentang
Sujud sukur padamu atas segala cinta
pada aku, pencarian ku pada yang maha Esa masih lagi panjang. pada tahap skrg ni, pencarian ku masih lagi tidak berpenghujung..
sebagai manusia aku selalu tersalah pandang apa yang penting dalam hidup..lari dari landasan yang sebenar.. tapi tu semualah yang menjadikan hidup ni lebih menarik dan mencabar.. tak siapa tahu apa yang akan terjadi besok...
harap bulan ramadhan tahun ni akan menjadi ramadhan yang lebih baik dari tahun sebelum ni... =) can't wait for it to come..
Sempena ramadhan ni, rasa nya lagu ni sesuai kot... lagu yang best... semoga cinta kita semua bertasbih...
Ketika Cinta Bertasbih
Melly Goeslaw Feauring Amee
Bertuturlah cinta
Mengucap satu nama
Seindah goresan sabdamu dalam kitabku
Cinta yang bertasbih
Mengutus Hati ini
Kusandarkan hidup dan matiku padamu
Bisikkan doaku
Dalam butiran tasbih
Kupanjatkan pintaku padamu Maha Cinta
Sudah di ubun-ubun cinta mengusik resah
Tak bisa kupaksa walau hatiku menjerit
Ketika Cinta bertasbih Nadiku berdenyut merdu
Kembang kempis dadaku merangkai butir cinta
Garis tangan tergambar tak bisa aku menentang
Sujud sukur padamu atas segala cinta
Monday, June 7, 2010
Self Discovery # 4 - Arghh
Reasons why i deserve a slap on my face
1) for having a doubt of my judgement and listen to others more than listen to my heart and judgement
2) fail to make market my bestfriends until now (i think our relationship become worse..haizz)
3) lazy to read work related books.. ( finish 2 unrelated work books in 3 days)
4) lack of motivation to work ( biasalah tu)
5) keep hurting people around me (and it hurt me too)
6) sensitive over something small ( i dun think its small...hmm )
7) hate the meds that i suppose to eat... ( hate it beyond words..)
8) posting this in the office..working hours..hahahaha
i need an ice cream now...
1) for having a doubt of my judgement and listen to others more than listen to my heart and judgement
2) fail to make market my bestfriends until now (i think our relationship become worse..haizz)
3) lazy to read work related books.. ( finish 2 unrelated work books in 3 days)
4) lack of motivation to work ( biasalah tu)
5) keep hurting people around me (and it hurt me too)
6) sensitive over something small ( i dun think its small...hmm )
7) hate the meds that i suppose to eat... ( hate it beyond words..)
8) posting this in the office..working hours..hahahaha
i need an ice cream now...
Sunday, May 30, 2010
Self Discovery #3 - Say Goodbye
Finally i have time to update my blog after so long.. Been busy with my life and sometimes buat2 busy..haha
Anyway,its so easy to be taken for granted and sometimes its so easy to be fooled in a relationship,in general, with friends and family.
Sometimes, i tend to be true and honest with a person,share all that i have,financially as well as emotionally, but later when i learn that they dont reciprocate in the same mannner and just walked away after get what they want and usually at the time when i need them the most, it hurts. Probably they feel i am not close enough to them or its me who stupid to trust them. i hate being used by other people for any reason at all especially by someone i trust.
im tired of being bangang girl, but according to someone i will always be. =.='
After my long vacation to a special place *thanks to someone who bring me there =)* i realize that one of my bangang-ness moment is when having a second thought between 'cry' and 'say goodbye'..haha of course it will be 'say goodbye'.. i just wanna forgive and forget about everything.. by thinking of 'cry' means i still have a bit of anger and frustration in me.. but i dun want to have such negative feelings.. i wanna live my life without any regrets and without anything that will be the wall of my bright and happy future.. semua yg berlaku ada hikmah nya.. lagipun semua yang jadi ni salah sendiri..so pandai2 lah tanggung kan..haha
besides all that, i did say goodbye to few other things.. let see...
1) say goodbye to the old style of vacation..haha *i dah promise someone to not write it in detail..i wish i can write it in detail..hahaha*
2) say goodbye to my hair.. i cut my hair..=)
3) say goodbye to my clean record of no accident with Ginger... Ginger had her 1st accident.. the scariest moment of my life yet.. an experience that i hope that i will never go thru again.. poor ginger.. i am so sorry.. =( promise will take care of you and drive you safely in future..
4) say goodbye to my old life..the stupid/evil/kind girl i used to be.. i maybe still bangang but i want to be bangang at the right time.. (macam lah boleh control..haha)and most important is i want to be a nice smart girl who know what she want in her life, work hard for it, tak kacau orang, and sentiasa jadi diri sendiri.
5) say goodbye to my old plan/goal.. not totally change but new amendment with a little twist.. will be new challenge..or shud i said it will be a BIG challenge for me..
Other thing that i might will say goodbye is my job..still uncertain..but if really happen, i will move to new city and back to be independent..huhu
but im not sure whether i want to move or not...haizzzz
so many thing to risk and this will definitely affect my new goal.. and if i move, adjusting to new environment during world cup season?? hmmm... not sure i can say goodbye to world cup..:P
Anyway,its so easy to be taken for granted and sometimes its so easy to be fooled in a relationship,in general, with friends and family.
Sometimes, i tend to be true and honest with a person,share all that i have,financially as well as emotionally, but later when i learn that they dont reciprocate in the same mannner and just walked away after get what they want and usually at the time when i need them the most, it hurts. Probably they feel i am not close enough to them or its me who stupid to trust them. i hate being used by other people for any reason at all especially by someone i trust.
im tired of being bangang girl, but according to someone i will always be. =.='
After my long vacation to a special place *thanks to someone who bring me there =)* i realize that one of my bangang-ness moment is when having a second thought between 'cry' and 'say goodbye'..haha of course it will be 'say goodbye'.. i just wanna forgive and forget about everything.. by thinking of 'cry' means i still have a bit of anger and frustration in me.. but i dun want to have such negative feelings.. i wanna live my life without any regrets and without anything that will be the wall of my bright and happy future.. semua yg berlaku ada hikmah nya.. lagipun semua yang jadi ni salah sendiri..so pandai2 lah tanggung kan..haha
besides all that, i did say goodbye to few other things.. let see...
1) say goodbye to the old style of vacation..haha *i dah promise someone to not write it in detail..i wish i can write it in detail..hahaha*
2) say goodbye to my hair.. i cut my hair..=)
3) say goodbye to my clean record of no accident with Ginger... Ginger had her 1st accident.. the scariest moment of my life yet.. an experience that i hope that i will never go thru again.. poor ginger.. i am so sorry.. =( promise will take care of you and drive you safely in future..
4) say goodbye to my old life..the stupid/evil/kind girl i used to be.. i maybe still bangang but i want to be bangang at the right time.. (macam lah boleh control..haha)and most important is i want to be a nice smart girl who know what she want in her life, work hard for it, tak kacau orang, and sentiasa jadi diri sendiri.
5) say goodbye to my old plan/goal.. not totally change but new amendment with a little twist.. will be new challenge..or shud i said it will be a BIG challenge for me..
Other thing that i might will say goodbye is my job..still uncertain..but if really happen, i will move to new city and back to be independent..huhu
but im not sure whether i want to move or not...haizzzz
so many thing to risk and this will definitely affect my new goal.. and if i move, adjusting to new environment during world cup season?? hmmm... not sure i can say goodbye to world cup..:P
Sunday, May 2, 2010
Self Discovery #2 - Empty
A person very close to me passed away more than a year ago.
I thought i already moved on but I can't stop thinking about it even to this minute.
Every moment I had spent with him has been so precious and invaluable, and today...I remember him every day...every minute, infact.
I feel that vacuum can never be filled,no matter how much my friends and relatives try.
Is it wrong to remember him always and have that uncomfortable feeling, that none can equal him?
How can I stop thinking about him always?
And, if at all I try to,will that make me a bad person?
Should I stop grieving and accept it as a part of life?
Is it wrong to expect people close to me to be like him?
Most of all, I wonder how I can carry on with my life without him?
So many questions in my mind....wish I had an answer.....
because i feel so empty inside..
He will always be special to me but how i found him in him, i hope to find others in themselves..
God, please give me the strength and please open my heart and send someone special in it again..
I thought i already moved on but I can't stop thinking about it even to this minute.
Every moment I had spent with him has been so precious and invaluable, and today...I remember him every day...every minute, infact.
I feel that vacuum can never be filled,no matter how much my friends and relatives try.
Is it wrong to remember him always and have that uncomfortable feeling, that none can equal him?
How can I stop thinking about him always?
And, if at all I try to,will that make me a bad person?
Should I stop grieving and accept it as a part of life?
Is it wrong to expect people close to me to be like him?
Most of all, I wonder how I can carry on with my life without him?
So many questions in my mind....wish I had an answer.....
because i feel so empty inside..
He will always be special to me but how i found him in him, i hope to find others in themselves..
God, please give me the strength and please open my heart and send someone special in it again..
Tuesday, April 13, 2010
Self discovery #1 – `Ginger Gastric’
My heart beat will beat faster the moment I see the fuel tank empty sign blinking. I will start to tense up especially when the traffic is jam and I don’t know where is the nearest petrol station. I will start imagining what if Ginger stop in the middle of the road coz she is too hungry. Who will I call? Is there anybody going to help me? What is all the road users will think of me coz let Ginger hungry until that stage?
So congratulations Waieylia, u just survive the `Ginger gastric’ moment this morning!!
So congratulations Waieylia, u just survive the `Ginger gastric’ moment this morning!!
Tuesday, March 23, 2010
The endless tunnel
I'm losing my identity..
one day i woke up and i'm not the same person as i used to be..
I lose control of everything..
confuse with my own priority..
choose a different path than what i used to believe..
I feel like i am a lost girl in the tunnel standing in the middle between two path leading to mystery destination searching for a light..
and currently i feel like i'm walking in the wrong path..
the endless tunnel..
one day i woke up and i'm not the same person as i used to be..
I lose control of everything..
confuse with my own priority..
choose a different path than what i used to believe..
I feel like i am a lost girl in the tunnel standing in the middle between two path leading to mystery destination searching for a light..
and currently i feel like i'm walking in the wrong path..
the endless tunnel..
Sunday, February 7, 2010
Do you know...
When you are sleeping, no one can make you cry,no one can insult you, hurt you, defeat you, lie to you, pressure you, scold you ( besides your mother who want to wake you up), you can't lose, fail an exam, get rejected, have your trust broken, lose your keys, break your phone and shoes, say something embarrassing/stupid , have an accident, etc..
Basically, nothing can go wrong . Unless you fall of the bed or overslept which will cause u to be late to work..haha
And thats why sleeping is very important for me.. its the time when im doing something for myself and love doing it..;)
Basically, nothing can go wrong . Unless you fall of the bed or overslept which will cause u to be late to work..haha
And thats why sleeping is very important for me.. its the time when im doing something for myself and love doing it..;)
Monday, February 1, 2010
I used to.....
i used to sing whenever there's a chance, now i don't,
i used to dance when there's music, now i don't,
i used to laugh on something stupid, now i don't,
i used to cry on someone's shoulder, now i don't,
i used to smile to a stranger, now i don't,
i used to play with colours, now i don't,
i used to kiss my parents every morning, now i don't,
i used to be in control, now i don't,
i used to know the next step, now i don't,
i used to know what to expect, now i don't,
i used to be very close to HIM, now i don't,
i used to dance when there's music, now i don't,
i used to laugh on something stupid, now i don't,
i used to cry on someone's shoulder, now i don't,
i used to smile to a stranger, now i don't,
i used to play with colours, now i don't,
i used to kiss my parents every morning, now i don't,
i used to be in control, now i don't,
i used to know the next step, now i don't,
i used to know what to expect, now i don't,
i used to be very close to HIM, now i don't,
Saturday, January 2, 2010
The Rainbow of 2009
I started 2009 with a song tittled 'unwritten' by Natasha Bedingfield. That was a perfect song for 2009 as so many things happened in my life. So many rights, so many wrongs, so many regrets, and so many feel-good moments.
It’s been an eventful year. For the first three-four months I was practically at USM, cramming for my degree exam. I remember the late nights, which got longer with every passing day. How I worked very hard for my last semester and appreciate every moments while i'm still a student. I passed my exam and graduated in August this year. The process drained me emotionally and physically. The last time I was this vulnerable was a long time ago and hopefully the next time will be a longer time away. It was the last formal academic exam of my life and finally after 23 years, I was out looking for a job. Well, at least that is what i thought at that moments.
2009 also give me the opportunity to be an intern in one of the biggest company in Malaysia. I am very lucky to have done something that was in my to-do list before i reach 40 at the very beginning of my career life. However, my life is still unwritten as i am jobless after end of my internship for 4 months. Interviews after interviews, i finally got a job and required me to have a licence and in order to do that i need to pass an exam. So basically i end my 2 months of the year the same way i started it, cramming for exams (i thought i will never hear the word exam again..hmm). And this time i didn't get the same results. I failed my exams. Yea, it does felt like a slapped on my face. But i figure that God had better plans for me and that was just a reminder. A loud and clear warning that the path that i choose is not going to be easy mentally, physically, and spiritually.
2009 also coloured my personal life. So many things happened and there are certain things that i would never imagined can happen to my life. Friendship has been expanding and great and hopefully will continue that way for the rest of my life. Meeting new people has help me see this world and life in different perspective. There are so many opportunities out there if we know how to grab it at the right moment. Life is not about black and white only, there are greys part and that makes life more challenging.
In summary, 2009 is the year to be remember as this is the year where I graduated and received my first Bachelor Degree, Internship in well-known company, had my 1st formal job, and many more. I started a year as a student and i end it as a working woman. And of course there are things that i did not achieve in 2009 and i guess it is 'Unwritten'. I'm gonna make the 'Unwritten' song as my life theme song until i find a better song.
p/s: I have been busy lately and still couldn't find my theme song for 2010. Will find one before start writing about what i expect from 2010.
It’s been an eventful year. For the first three-four months I was practically at USM, cramming for my degree exam. I remember the late nights, which got longer with every passing day. How I worked very hard for my last semester and appreciate every moments while i'm still a student. I passed my exam and graduated in August this year. The process drained me emotionally and physically. The last time I was this vulnerable was a long time ago and hopefully the next time will be a longer time away. It was the last formal academic exam of my life and finally after 23 years, I was out looking for a job. Well, at least that is what i thought at that moments.
2009 also give me the opportunity to be an intern in one of the biggest company in Malaysia. I am very lucky to have done something that was in my to-do list before i reach 40 at the very beginning of my career life. However, my life is still unwritten as i am jobless after end of my internship for 4 months. Interviews after interviews, i finally got a job and required me to have a licence and in order to do that i need to pass an exam. So basically i end my 2 months of the year the same way i started it, cramming for exams (i thought i will never hear the word exam again..hmm). And this time i didn't get the same results. I failed my exams. Yea, it does felt like a slapped on my face. But i figure that God had better plans for me and that was just a reminder. A loud and clear warning that the path that i choose is not going to be easy mentally, physically, and spiritually.
2009 also coloured my personal life. So many things happened and there are certain things that i would never imagined can happen to my life. Friendship has been expanding and great and hopefully will continue that way for the rest of my life. Meeting new people has help me see this world and life in different perspective. There are so many opportunities out there if we know how to grab it at the right moment. Life is not about black and white only, there are greys part and that makes life more challenging.
In summary, 2009 is the year to be remember as this is the year where I graduated and received my first Bachelor Degree, Internship in well-known company, had my 1st formal job, and many more. I started a year as a student and i end it as a working woman. And of course there are things that i did not achieve in 2009 and i guess it is 'Unwritten'. I'm gonna make the 'Unwritten' song as my life theme song until i find a better song.
p/s: I have been busy lately and still couldn't find my theme song for 2010. Will find one before start writing about what i expect from 2010.
Wednesday, November 4, 2009
issues...
i have issue... well, i have a lot of issues.. it seems like everything is not right at the moment.. but what is not right to you does not mean its not right for everybody.. there are few thing that may seem normal to certain people but not to me and vice versa...gonna talk more about the issue once i know where to begin...
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